January 29, 2013 - 12:17pm
So I’m on the train and trying to figure out today’s date. I could simply take out my phone to find out but I’m stubborn sometimes. I’m late again. For work, that is. I don’t know, I just don’t like waking up in the morning. I don’t like them and they don’t like me. I don’t think it’s a difficult concept to grasp. But on a brighter note, I’m listening to Florence and the Machine. They’re a music group if you don’t know. I like them a lot. Their music fills me with a good feeling and makes me feel good about myself. Though I don’t know what’s to feel good about. Maybe because I have an eclectic taste in music? Who knows?
I actually think I know what today is. That’s only because I remembered that Friday is the 1st and I have to pay rent on that day. I’m not really looking forward to it. That’s just that stupid responsible stuff you have to do when you get older. I still haven’t grasped it yet. I’m not always on time with it. Probably won’t be this time either. But that’s only because I got really sick and missed work for a week. Ugh it was dreadful. I didn’t have the flu despite it being in season. I still felt like I was dying though. Anyway, I went to the hospital and they told me I have a virus and said I need plenty of rest. So that’s mainly the reason. I don’t get paid for the days I miss work. It sucks but I guess that’s life sometimes.
January 29, 2013 - 1:55pm
I never really know what I’m going to write about next or how to start writing. That’s the truth. God honest truth if you’re religious. I’m not religious. I don’t follow them because there’s so many rules and stuff you gotta follow and most of the time that shit don’t even make sense to me. If you’re religious then you are probably finding this offensive. To be honest, I find religion offensive and that’s okay. I’m allowed to have an opinion. Wanna know what’s crazy though? I grew up Christian! I actually liked going to church when I was a child and all. But I’m older now and that stuff is irrelevant to me. I mean yeah I liked when I was young and all but I mean if you’re guaranteed candy after, then you’re gonna want to go too. And a child’s mind is so innocent that they will believe almost anything you tell them. I say almost because I don’t think I ever believed in Santa Claus. So yeah I just stopped going altogether.
I think I must have been 15 when I stopped going. That’s when I started becoming conscientious of other things that were going on in the world. I was kinda oblivious to that kind of stuff. I also started questioning my sexuality. If you’re wondering and really need to know then yes, I am gay. I can say it because I have no issue with addressing it. I guess you can say that I’m comfortable with my sexuality. I like penis but maybe saying that is too much. Don’t worry, I won’t tell you about my sexual encounters. Maybe later if there’s room.
Anyway, I noticed that nothing is certain when I write. Like from the beginning of this book up until now, I changed the subject a few times. I guess it’s sort of like a diary. I have even started to include the dates and times when I start to write. I don’t really know why though.
January 29, 2013 - 4:52pm
So, today, I keep writing new entries because I keep getting distracted. That’s because I’m trying to write while work and that doesn’t work very well unless nothing is happening. Like right now.
I tend to beat myself up for not knowing where to begin when I write. Truth is I feel like I’ve mastered some sort of weird technique because I have been writing a lot in the past few days and even wonder if I’ve done more talking in this little notebook over the past few days than I’ve done with an actual person. I’m not antisocial or anything. Sometimes I just don’t feel like talking to people. And don’t take it to heart if I just want to be alone. I guess you can say that I’m a bit antisocial. But only when I want to be.
I wanted to tell you that I don’t stop only when I get distracted. I stop when I feel like I’ve run out of thoughts. I just don’t know what to talk about until the next time.